I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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