i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
