We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
