it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
