I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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