Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
