Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
