omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i believe in u and ur pee
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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