My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
