Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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