No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
