well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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