he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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