this beer tastes like vomit already
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
