I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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