Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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