we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
