i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
