I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
