I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
