Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
