I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
