Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
