At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
