Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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