My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
