I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
