mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
