I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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