i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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