I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
