drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
