No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
