how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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