I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
