The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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