I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
