I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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