Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
