i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
