Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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