i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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