Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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