my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
