"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
