so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
