so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
