I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
