Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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