All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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