No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I puked a lego.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
