I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
