I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
