dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
