are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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