she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my liver is dry heaving
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
