I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
